


Amnesia

by ojmygod



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: ;)), Amnesia, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, M/M, SLOWBURN!, also, and yeah maybe baekhyun doesn't know himself but rain still makes him sad :(((, at least that's the plan, hyoyeon is baekhyun's sister, i don't know why but i LOVE writing about baekhyun's grandmother??, maybe i just love writing old people, obviously, she's in another upcoming fic as well, sunshine boy, who are we kidding it'll turn explicit sooner or later
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-06
Updated: 2019-10-06
Packaged: 2020-11-25 22:26:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20919617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ojmygod/pseuds/ojmygod
Summary: Baekhyun wakes up without memories after being involved in an accident.It's a lil angsty in the beginning, it's gonna get fluffier, promise.





	Amnesia

**Author's Note:**

> brrrahhh i'm back
> 
> I have SO fucking many wip just sitting in my docs, so i decided to at least finish this first chapter up because i miss writing and posting my shit lmao!! this first chapter might be as angsty as it'll get tbh, i'm aiming for something a lot more hopeful by the next chapter, but i also want this to be at least a lil bit realistic, so the angst will probably be a little woven in throughout this story hehehe, but it will be fluffy and awkwardly romantic as well!!  
enjoy!<333

He felt himself twitch and stir slightly. He felt it in a detached, far away kind of way. As if it wasn’t even his own body moving. As if he were floating somewhere high above, only connected to his limbs by strings, not unlike a puppet.

Then came the pain. The horrible, head splitting ache radiating from the back of his head. He could feel his left arm pulsating painfully in time with his heartbeat, and trying to move the fingers attached to his hand only made it worse, go figure. He was rasping with every increasingly deep breath he tried to take, and as he finally got his heavy eyes to open, making eye contact with the person standing above him, he passed right out again. 

____

The next time he woke up, it was to the voices of several people in the room. He couldn’t quite make out how many, and he didn’t recognize any of them, but they seemed to be talking calmly about mundane things, so he figured everything was probably fine. He attempted to take a deep breath, for some reason feeling the urge to sigh. Bad idea, apparently. His violent coughing attack seemed to alarm the people in the room, as their voices got frantically louder. He could vaguely feel hands on his face and in his hair as the voices called out to him, but with no energy to spare, he slipped back into unconsciousness.

___

A hand gently holding his own and a soft murmur brought him back this time. He felt soft fingers stroking the back of his hand, back and forth, over and over. He didn’t recognize this voice either, but the woman who spoke had a nice, calm tone. She mentioned something about the nice, sunny weather, and suddenly he very much wanted to see for himself what it was like. The next time the pads of her fingers passed over his knuckles, his hand twitched. Whether it was done unconsciously or not, he couldn’t say, but her hand stilled as she grew quiet.

“Baekhyun?” she mumbled, a crack in her voice. God, he really wanted to open his eyes. He wanted to see what this woman looked like, she had such a kind voice. But it felt like an impossible task, struggling against his heavy eyelids. He tried to swallow against his dry throat and ended up choking. He shot forward as he coughed, chest rasping with every heaving breath he took. He whimpered at the pain that seemed to be everywhere. 

As he eventually stopped dry heaving, he realized that his eyes were shot open, staring down at white sheets. He presumed that his legs were beneath the sheets, but somehow he felt the need to check. He couldn’t lift his left arm, a heavy, restraining cast told him so. He focused on moving his right arm into his lap instead, slowly feeling the shape of his legs, all the way from his thigh down to his ankle, then back up the other leg. He breathed a small sigh as he finished the task, wiggling his toes a bit to make sure those were still present as well. Only then did he hear the quiet sobs of what he presumed to be the woman who had held his hand. He turned his head slightly to look at her, feeling his head pound a bit at the movement. 

She was covering her mouth with one of her hands, the other wrapped tightly around her own waist, as if to comfort herself. She was crying, staring at him with eyes overflowing with tears as her shoulders shook. He didn’t know what kind of a look he gave her, but she cried even harder. Her grey hair was greasy, thrown up into a bun on the top of her head. She was wearing a beige cardigan, and her face was red and wet. Maybe due to the tears, maybe not. He didn’t know what to say, and since she was sitting to his left, he couldn’t reach out to her and comfort her because of his arm. He stared for a while, and eventually she reached a shaking hand out and placed it on his cheek. She was very cold, he noted, eyebrows furrowing at her actions. She kept mumbling a name, sniffling every time. He presumed it was his, but he wasn’t sure. He couldn’t remember.

She gave him a big smile, fresh tears dripping from her eyelashes.

“Baekhyun.” she sobbed, stroking a finger underneath his eyes, as if he were the one crying. “My Baekhyun is finally back.” she mumbled, clearly overwhelmed. His eyebrows furrowed further at that. This lady knew him well, clearly. His gaze drifted around the hospital room, taking in the flowers at the bedside, the empty chairs scattered around the room. His eyes landed on the window. It was raining. He wondered why she would lie about the weather being nice, but as he looked back at her creased face, he couldn’t bring himself to ask.

Instead, he swallowed and spoke with a raspy voice. “Where am I?”

He winced as he felt how parched his throat was, but he kept his gaze firmly locked on the old woman next to him, waiting for an answer. She seemed taken aback, apparently forgetting that he was a human being capable of speech. Another tear slipped down her red cheek, dripping down to the floor.

“You’re in the hospital, Baekhyun.” she answered after a pause. She looked at him warily, like she was worried he might break. “Do you remember what happened?”

He tried to remember for a second, but his mind was all jumbled, and he felt his headache worsening, so he simply shook his head, hoping that she might explain it to him. The lady grimaced, the lines on her face deepening as she blinked rapidly before slumping in her seat, hand dropping from his cheek down to the hand still in his lap. She kept her gaze firmly locked onto his hand as she spoke.

“You were in a car accident. It’s been... “ she paused, licking her lips. “... It’s been about 6 weeks now.” she swore as more tears escaped her eyes. “The doctors told us that you might not make it, that you might not ever wake up. But you’re ever the fighter, aren’t you? My Baekhyunie.” 

Baekhyunie. The elderly woman seemed to be very close to him. He wondered if she might be his grandmother, or maybe an older aunt, but he didn’t know how to ask. Was she aware that he had no idea who she was? Was he supposed to tell her? If he asked about their relation he might hurt her, and she seemed like such a kind woman. He couldn’t do that to her.

He licked his lips, looking away. Maybe asking some other questions would jumpstart his memory a bit. “Was I the one driving? Was I alone in the car?” he asked, making tentative eye contact. Oh, she didn’t like that question. Both her hands enveloped his right hand, and her eyes flickered up and down, like she couldn’t decide whether eye contact would be better or not.

“Uhm… You weren’t driving, Baekhyun. Hyoyeon was…” He tilted his head, trying to match a face to this Hyoyeon. He sighed, frustrated when he couldn’t come up with one.

“Is she ok?” he asked instead, choosing for the time being not to let the woman know about his struggle to remember things. He’s sure it’ll come back to him. She sniffled at the question but nodded her head at that, giving him a thin smile.

“She’s ok. She got a mild concussion, and was pretty banged up, but she’s fine.” she mumbled softly, he had to strain to hear her. “She’s worried about you, though.” she said, looking up at him directly. He was a bit taken aback by her intense look. “She’s barely left your side at all since the accident, Baekhyun. She keeps… She keeps beating herself up for what happened, that foolish girl. Even though it wasn’t her fault…” she trailed of, sighing sadly at their joint hands.

He cleared his throat, wishing desperately for a glass of water. “Uhm… How long do I have to stay here?” he asked. 

“Oh, I’m not sure, dear. The doctors will want to check on you, I’m sure. I hope it won’t be long, though. They miss you back home. Your grandpa and I miss your visits as well. It’s not the same without you…” she said, sighing with a sorrowful frown on her face. He wondered what she looked like when she was happy. He tried to imagine the lines around her eyes crinkling as she laughed, her kind voice twinkling with mischief and joy. He felt bad, not being able to come up with a conclusive image. Either way, he could finally confirm their relationship.  _ ‘Your grandfather and I’.  _ Surely that must mean that she was his grandmother? He was starting to regret not telling her that he didn’t remember anything. Lulling her into a false sense of security, what kind of a person was he, really. Thinking back, he didn’t really have an answer to that. Apart from a few blurry locations burned into the back of his mind, he couldn’t really picture anything he tried to remember. 

With an ice cold start, he realized that he really didn’t know himself at all. No memories. No connections. No family.  _ No identity. _ Would he even know his own name if it hadn’t been said so often? He sure as hell didn’t feel a very deep connection to it.

He shivered, suddenly feeling horribly empty. His (supposed) grandmother looked at him with a worried expression on her face, and he felt sick. He didn’t know this woman. He didn’t know her features, he didn’t know her voice, and he didn’t know their memories. 

He heard a crash. They both whipped their head to the entrance of the room, where a young woman stood, eyes wide, jaw dropped, and a broken vase with flowers at her feet. Baekhyun stared at the girl, stared as her eyes filled with tears, stared as she rushed to get closer. As she bent down to grab his hand, he heard the older woman mumble the name ‘Hyoyeon’. 

_ Ah. This was the woman driving the car. _

He watched with open fascination as the young woman struggled to swallow down a lump in her throat, feeling how desperately she was holding onto his hand. He wondered what kind of relationship she had with the previous Baekhyun. He shivered at the thought.The previous Baekhyun. Then he felt guilty, hastily dropping the woman’s gaze, licking his lips. He felt exposed.

He felt like an impostor. Glancing at the woman’s desperate features, listening to the mumbled conversation she held with the other lady about him, like he wasn’t present. He felt more and more like he should’ve just stayed asleep. He startled as she spoke to him.

“Baekhyun, how…” the woman took a deep breath. “Are you ok? I’m so sorry, I should’ve been more careful. God, I was so scared, I thought I had lost you.” she broke off, dropping her head to where she grasped onto Baekhyun’s hand, pressing her forehead to his skin.

He swallowed, overwhelmed.

“I’m… Ok. I think.” he started. He glanced of to the side, trying to think of something to say. He couldn’t tell her that he didn’t blame her, even though he wanted to, if only to comfort her. After all, he didn’t know the details of the crash. God, should he just tell her that he didn’t know  _ anything at all? _ That he just woke up and didn’t know who he was, that he didn’t know who she was, much less who the elderly woman to his left was? He settled for something a little more mild.

“Although… I’m having some trouble with, uhm… Remembering. Things.” he trailed of, feeling irrationally ashamed. He chanced a nervous glance at the older woman whose expression didn’t change much, gaze still filled with pity and sorrow.

The girl looked up at him with wet eyes. He felt deeply uncomfortable, like she could see right through him.

“Do you remember who I am?” the young woman asked after a slight pause, apparently not one for beating around the bush. He swallowed, looking away guiltily. After a few moments he shook his head, and he heard the old woman’s gasp loud and clear. Too loud, God his head was really killing him at this point.

Hyoyeon ( _ that was her name, wasn’t it? _ ) cleared her throat, and when she spoke her voice cracked.

“I see. Do you know who the lady next to you is?” she asked, trying to catch his eyes again. He felt deeply uncomfortable staring into those unfamiliar eyes, but eventually he looked at her with caution before mumbling out an answer. Hyoyeon made a questioning noise, asking for him to repeat himself. He huffed, insecure.

“My grandmother.” he said, trying to sound confident in the fact, but failing miserably, judging by the way the lady quickly left the room, sobbing heavily. They watched her go, both with sad expressions on their faces. Hyoyeon looked to be contemplating whether leaving him would be for the better or worse, but eventually she must have decided to stay put, because she turned back to face him, grasping his right hand in both of her own, sighing deeply as she blinked the tears away. He swallowed again, wanting to ask for a glass of water, but not knowing how. He wanted to ask a lot of things actually. He wanted to ask who  _ Baekhyun _ was, who  _ Hyoyeon  _ was, and who that older woman was. He wanted to know if he was right. He wanted to ask if it was alright to call himself Baekhyun, to refer to himself as Baekhyun anymore. He wanted to know if it would be like stealing someone else’s identity, if it would be better to just come up with a new name.

He wanted to know what Hyoyeon meant to Baekhyun, why they were in the car to begin with. He also wanted to know if they had been warned about him waking up with no memory. He wanted to ask if it would ever come back, who else had visited him and who they were, where did he live, what would happen, and what he did to deserve this.

He settled for asking for water, and she got up to fetch a bottle without a word and helped him drink it, as his limbs were too heavy to lift. Annoyingly enough, the water didn’t do much more than cool him down and produce a ticklish sensation deep within his chest. It didn’t even fix his parched throat, and it definitely didn’t help with the impending mental breakdown.

Fortunately he was saved from actually breaking down by a doctor entering, two nurses trailing silently behind her. The nurses wasted no time, walking up to the monitors, poking and prodding at his IV, bandages, the cast around his arm. He felt a little overwhelmed as the male nurse asked him to keep still before shining a light in his eye, and as the female nurse pulled the blanket covering him to the side, he witnessed some pretty nasty bruises lining his legs. He felt a little sick as she poked at a yellowing one, asking him if it hurt badly. He shook his head, turning his head and catching the eyes of the doctor.

She smiled kindly before walking a little closer. Hyoyeon got up and walked around to take the seat left vacant by the older woman to Baekhyun’s left, probably feeling a little like she was in the way as the nurses fussed over him, asking him the odd question here and there, but mostly working efficiently and quietly. The doctor quickly flipped through a clipboard of papers. He imagined that it would be information on him, but he wasn’t sure.

“How are you feeling, Mr. Byun?” She asked as she looked up at him, lowering the files she had been flipping through and smiling in thanks to the female nurse as she left the room.  _ Byun, huh. Byun Baekhyun. _ He waited for a second, just incase his full name would somehow jumpstart his memory. Disappointed, he realized that the knowledge of his full name did absolutely jack shit, memory wise, and he shrugged with his right shoulder.

“Could be worse, I guess.”

She gave him a wry smile at that, tilting her head a bit. “How’s your arm?”

The doctor walked a little closer, before checking on the cast surrounding his entire left arm. “Is the cast digging in painfully anywhere or in any way bothering you?”

He paused to think a little. It wasn’t the worst pain in the world, if his focus wasn’t on it, he could almost ignore it.

“I mean… My arm hurts a little.” he said, licking his lips. “But it’s definitely not a 10 on the pain scale. And no, it doesn’t feel any more uncomfortable than I imagine a cast would usually.” he finished, staring up at her. He watched as the male nurse stopped to murmur something to the doctor, her eyebrows drawing together a little. She pressed her lips together slightly before dismissing the nurse, turning her full attention towards Baekhyun.

“We caught your grandmother on our way here. I see you’ve mentioned some memory issues. Care to go a little more into detail for me?” she said, grabbing a pencil and getting ready to take notes apparently.

Baekhyun paused, not really ready to admit to his memory loss outloud. “I honestly… Uhm, I don’t really, uh-” he chanced a quick glance at Hyoyeon, but she was staring at the floor, refusing to look at him, and  _ God,  _ if that didn’t make him feel even more out of place. He cleared his throat before continuing.

“I don’t actually remember anything. At all.” he stated, nervous.

The doctor wrote something down and didn’t look up to keep asking.

“Are we talking in relation to your accident, or more than that?”

He bit his lip slightly, still not wanting to admit to having lost all of his memories. If he did, that would make it true. Either way, it probably wasn’t a very good idea to lie to a doctor.

“More. Uhm, all of it.” he started, trying to blink away the tears in his eyes. “I don’t remember anything about the accident, or anything before that. It’s… I didn’t even remember my own last name until you said it. I don’t know, I can’t remember shit.” he cut himself off before he could get too worked up, taking a few deep breaths. He wanted to say something more, possibly to break the tension a little, but he didn’t know what he would say. He looked up timidly at the doctor as she finished taking notes.

She caught his gaze, and she gave him a small smile. 

“It’s entirely normal to have issues remembering things and retaining information after you wake up from a coma, I wouldn’t worry too much about it right now. I would definitely recommend you speak to someone who can help train up your memory as soon as possible though, I’ll be sure to give you some recommendations when we release you.” 

He nodded reluctantly, feeling a little foolish for reacting with so much panic. Then again, who wouldn’t, he thought, irritated at his own thoughts. She gave him a little more information on his general health, and how long he was expected to stay for before she had to leave in a rush, promising him that someone would come around in the next thirty minutes to check on him.

He sighed as she left, feeling drained despite having apparently been asleep for six weeks. Hyoyeon caught his eyes as she walked up to stand next to him. He couldn’t help but feel a little put out by the pity in her face. She swallowed, preparing to speak.

“I’ve gotta go find grandma, but I figured I should at least tell you that I’m your sister, Baekhyun.” She opened her mouth to continue, but closed it quickly as she got a bit choked up. She waited for a moment, breathing deeply and staring at the floor.

“You’re my baby brother. You turned 21 four weeks ago now. You live with our parents here in Bucheon, whereas I moved out three years ago. I’m 27 by the way.” she finished, trying to keep the tears at bay. She cleared her throat.

“I’ll tell you more next time I see you, I’ve really got to find grandma before she gets herself into trouble though. Take care, Hyunie. I’ll see you later.” 

She leaned down to plant a kiss on his forehead, brushing his hair out of the way. She gave him a watery smile as she patted his cheek lightly before turning away and walking out. He could see her dab at her eyes as she walked out, and he felt bad for some reason. 

He sighed again, remembering that someone would be there soon to check on him. He’d rather not fall asleep, irrationally scared that if he did he might not wake up for another 6 weeks. There was nothing there to distract himself with anymore though, and he felt his head start to move sluggishly. His last thoughts before he fell back asleep were;  _ Byun Baekhyun, 21 years old. _

_____________

  
  


He woke up to the sound of several voices arguing quietly but intensely. With a flutter in his heart, he realized that he could actually pick out and recognize one of the voices. As he listened closer though, it became clear that it was Hyoyeon. Feeling a bit disheartened at it not being someone else he suddenly recognized and remembered, he opened his eyes, taking in the scene in front of him. 

Hyoyeon was arguing quietly with a fairly short middle aged man, who stood next to a woman, presumably his wife. After a few moments of listening in, Baekhyun realized that it must be her parents. Meaning they’re his parents as well. Fuck, he wasn’t ready to face them. Did they know of his memory loss? Would he have to break the news? What were they arguing about? He hadn’t managed to pick out the meaning behind the words as he woke up.

He realized that he was being stared at as everything grew quiet around him. He made eye contact with the man first. He had probably looked over at Baekhyun in the middle of the argument, given by tension in his face. After a short pause he rushed over to Baekhyun’s side, reaching out to touch him, only to stop himself, apparently thinking better of it. Baekhyun couldn’t help but feel a bit hurt.

The man cleared his throat, blinking rapidly.

“Is it true?” he asked, staring into Baekhyun’s eyes with so much tension in his face that Baekhyun’s worried it might break. Baekhyun tilted his head, he knew exactly what the man had asked about, but he decided not to let it show.

“Is what true?” he said quietly. He glanced over at what he presumed to be his mother. She was having a staring contest with the floor, jaw so tight Baekhyun thought it might pop. She wouldn’t make eye contact, unlike his father who hadn’t dropped his gaze from Baekhyun’s face. As he looked back onto the man he caught him rolling his eyes.

“You know what I’m talking about. Don’t play dumb, Baekhyun.” he responded, sounding even more agitated now than when Baekhyun had heard him argue with Hyoyeon.

Baekhyun looked at Hyoyeon who stood with her arms crossed, glaring at the man. She huffed an irritated sigh out of her nose as her jaw flexed.

“Seriously, dad?” she said, making everyone turn their heads to look at her. “You’re gonna be an asshole to your son  _ first thing _ ? No _ ‘I’ve missed you’, ‘I’m so glad you’re alive’ _ , nothing? Way to make him feel welcome, dad.” she finished, dropping her gaze to the floor. Judging by her tone, they must have had the discussion already. 

The man just glared at her, raising a hand up to point an accusing finger her way.

“We’ll talk later, Hyoyeon.” he grumbled. He turned back to Baekhyun with a weary sigh, frown still on his face. “I just want to know if your… memory loss, is true.” he said, stumbling a bit over his words.

Feeling awkward, Baekhyun couldn’t help but fidget with the blanket a little as he just nodded. 

As his father closed his eyes and brought a hand up to rub at his forehead, Baekhyun dropped his gaze, not wanting to look into a face of disappointment. If he thought admitting to his memory loss was hard in front of his grandmother and sister, doing it in front of his father was even worse. As much as Baekhyun had felt uncomfortable with the clear pity on the two women’s faces, he couldn’t help but feel even more uncomfortable with the exasperation in his father’s expression. He felt like a child who’d climbed a tall tree only to fall out of it and sprain his ankle, not like a grown man with a quite severe case of amnesia.

After a few moments of silence, the man sighed again. “Alright,” he started, finally looking back at Baekhyun. “Alright, we’re gonna give you a choice Baekhyun.”

Alarm bells went off in Baekhyun’s head at that, especially as both his mother and Hyoyeon turned surprised expression towards the man. He looked up at his father with wide eyes.

“You’ll be let out of the hospital tomorrow evening, and you’ll have to choose where you want to go after that.” he said, looking just to the side of Baekhyun’s head. As nothing more was forthcoming, Baekhyun cleared his throat slightly, not wanting his voice to break.

“What are my options?” he asked, voice still a little rough from sleep, but at least any voice cracks were avoided. His father blinked a few times, collecting himself before making eye contact with him again. “Well,” he paused, clearing his throat. “You can either go back home with your mother and I, although I have to warn you, we both work full time jobs, so you’d be alone for the most part.” he took a breath, “Or, you can go out to the countryside with you grandparents and live with them for a while. They’re both retired, so you’d have some company at least.”

Baekhyun’s gaze fell to where his hand was still clutching the blanket tightly as he mulled over the two options he had. On the one hand, going with his parents would be the obvious choice, although that  _ did _ mean being in the middle of a bustling city, full of people who might know him. He wasn’t ready for that. Not really. And his whole being rebelled against the thought of going home with this man who could barely look him in the eye. Maybe both of them needed some time. 

He looked to Hyoyeon for help, but her troubled gaze wasn’t helping him. He ran a hand through his hair, wincing at how greasy it felt. He looked at his mom who just looked sad. He had a feeling she would continue to look sad no matter what he picked. Maybe going to a place where he didn’t actually live would be a little easier on his conscience. He didn’t want to bother his grandparents, but moving into a home that should be familiar but wouldn’t be would take a toll on him. He already felt like a failure just talking to his parents, he couldn’t even begin to imagine living with them.

He took a deep breath, but he didn’t look up from his hands when he spoke.

“I think I’ll go live on the countryside. At least for awhile.” he said softly. He didn’t dare look at any one of the expressions his family probably had on. After a short pause they all mumbled out some sort of affirmations, and he watched their feet shuffle stiffly in place before moving towards the entrance of the room. Out of the corner of his eye he saw his father pause at the door and waited for the man to speak.

“... I’ll, uh… I’ll let your grandma know.” he said. “You should be good to leave tomorrow, so...” he trailed off, before sighing softly. Baekhyun probably wasn’t meant to hear it. “Get some sleep, kid.” was the last thing he heard before the door shut with a quiet click.

He half expected Hyoyeon to stay behind, to maybe explain what the fuck just happened, but as he looked up, he was all alone. New flowers by his bedside though, he noted. He admired them for a moment, trying not to feel too terribly alone and miserable. He almost succeeded too, until his gaze drifted to the window.

It was still raining.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you enjoyed this first lil test run<3 as always, i don't fully plan out my stories, so if ya'll have any suggestions you wanna see, comment and if it fits i might write it in!
> 
> PS.. it's not rated for now, but who are we kidding, i'm a slut for smut so this story will turn explicit at some point lol<3
> 
> ALSO: i love each and every one of you, and i really hope you enjoy the shit i write even half as much as i enjoy writing it!! if you read this far, thanks!!! hope you'll stick around for more babes<33333


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